love.versus.infatuation

“Love withers with predictability; its very essence is surprise and
amazement. To make love a prisoner of the mundane is to take its passion and lose it forever.” Leo Buscaglia

All of us dream of a happy ending. Canned fairy tale love affairs coupled with castles, knight in shining armours and chivalrous and romatic heroes. I have my share of these dreams. I stared night after night at the ceiling of my cramped bedroom starry-eyed and looking at an imaginary falling star silently praying that my prince will come and save me from being loveless...



That was years ago. Some 8 or 9 cranked love affairs after, i have realized that the movies were good and the books were fantastic, and they are pure fiction. They gave me a very vivid presentation of how my perfect lover should be leaving the reality that he is nowhere to be found in my world. Such a shame because i have lived my teenage to womanhood years positively hoping and expecting for the arrival of my prince.



Now, with a husband and a kid later, i've realized one great reality -- that a perfect fairy tale romance is not dependent on having a castle and a handsome knight... it is having a lover who is with you all the way -- -



--- he who smiles at you and makes you laugh when your world is crumbling

--- he who willingly give up his last hundred bucks to buy you a sundae or a mc donald's

burger because you're down in the dumps

--- he who sleep in your hospital bed and change your clothes and even wash your

underwear

--- he who doesn't mind picking you up from your g-mik in the wee hours of the night

--- he who put up with your tantrums and not say at all when your cursing and shouting damnations

--- he who loves your mom and not forget to bring her anything when he has the budget

--- he who wear his wedding ring even in his sleep and not force you to wear yours because you think it's not fashionable

--- he who tries to give you surprises and write short notes because you want it eventhough its not his personality to be mushy

--- he who allow you buy kikay stuff for yourself because he knows it'll make you happy even if he thinks you damn not need it!

--- he who does'nt stop calling you even if you always hang or bang the phone while he's still talking

--- he who takes care of your child, loves him so much and teach him how to undress himself and put on his clothes and count and... because you're too busy to teach your own child...

--- and many more others that makes him so endearing.



One can never have a perfect marriage. There will always be grudges and problems no matter who you are with -- even if he is so handome, so rich, so macho or so romantic. Today, i just realized that my prince has come not boxed in a handsome fairy tale package but with the values that i will be forever thankful for -- his love for his family, his being responsible, his being patient, his being thoughtful, his being hardworking and his easiness in making you feel good and happy. He may not be the one in my dreams but he is fulfilling my dream of having a wonderful, happy and peaceful family life.



Oftentimes, we look hard and long for the things that we dream in our life and miss the even finier and important people who come across our path. We misconstrued love with "kilig" and passion and choose the people who gives us momentary fun and laughter altogether missing those patient folks who offers more than temporary pleasure but pure love and sincere intentions. These that matters in looking for a lifetime partner and relationship.



I once heard a government official saying that even choosing for a lifetime partner is a lifeskill. Is'nt it that there are a lot of broken marriages these days and battered wives or husbands? It's probably because we don't give so much thought on our romantic rendezvous, that we only consider how much a lover can give us excitement and probably submit to our expectations like having good looks, nice car or a full wallet. It is misleading to think of love and relationship based on convenience and temporary fun and adventure. Often than not, our impulsive actions and uncontrolled emotions lead us to unexpected situations that we are sorry for in the end. Decisions that sometimes not only hurt us but also our family and those who love and care for us.



I am not an expert on love and relationship. I had my share of failed and painful affinities. This is more of a testimony of experiences that made my search for true happiness and true love more realistic and more satisfying. I always believe in the saying that "the path of true love is never easy." It is coupled with hard work, lot of understanding, loads of patience, bushels of trust and a mass of appreciation for one another. It is recognizing and accepting the fact that "he is the one" even if your mind dictates he is not because you are wishing, and always looking for a better person. Thinking that you are in-love is sometimes just a state of mind. But being truly in love is a matter of the heart.

"You can't have all the qualities you're looking for in one man." -
Deena